Preparation

“He must increase. I must decrease.” “It’s about relationships.” “Turn your heart toward home.” “Short Leash.” “Take a year.” “Reconciliation.” Each New Year God blesses me with a guiding word or phrase intended to direct my thoughts and decisions for the upcoming year. As is indicated by the sampling above, his directives are varied, yet always timely and life altering. Last year he rang in the New Year with the word ‘Preparation’ ringing in my ears. This made sense.

There I sat - a middle-aged woman; focused on being a stay-at-home mom for the past eighteen years; committed to raising children that would one day be adults who experienced joy in what their hands found to do, were motivated to yearn for relationship with God, love man, show compassion to all and contribute to their community.

There I sat - tending to a house full of growing teenagers’ needs, crises, and life preparations; being intentional about maintaining joy, trust and openness within the family structure; with an impressive resume full of fifteen years of volunteer service devoted to the biblical education and revelation of biblical relevance to the body of Christ.

There I sat - totally unmarketable.

It was time to prepare. An empty nest was staring me down, prodding me to be mindful of the transition I now faced. In order to be prepared for grown, independent children and fewer challenges and responsibilities at home, it was time to move toward a profession that could challenge and fulfill. In addition, with the recession hitting home, college tuition and various medical costs looming, the need for an income-producing career was imminent.

Preparation was at hand. I needed to be reintroduced to the market. To get a professional photo. To order business cards. To create a website. To network. To get my name out there. To put the professional edge on my storehouse of bible studies, conference presentations, discipleship intensives and educational curriculum. Preparation made sense. So, I went to work. For a good part of the year, I was intentional about addressing each of these needs. Yet through it all, I was stressed and frustrated. Anxiety hovered. Peace abated.

Then I participated in a Life Coaching Group. We began with the assumption that in order to be the most fulfilled, effective, joyful vessel for God’s glory and purposes, there are basic needs that must first be met. Solitude, Silence, Fellowship, Bible Study, Time with God, Rest, Healthy Diet and Exercise, etc. Through several wise, well-placed questions, I identified that which gave me a foundation of health, stability and peace.

Consistent bible study was high on the list, yet when counted was found wanting. I purposed to re-incorporate daily bible reading into my life pattern. Through a series of surprising, God-ordained, serendipitous events, I began a private facebook group full of women who likewise thirsted for the consistency of God's Word in their lives. The function of Bible Reading Fellowship is to be a loosely-tied, Bible-reading, revelation-sharing, sword-sharpening, accountability-fellowship as we read through the New Testament, one chapter a day, five days a week, with no meetings and no additional time requirements. A girlfriend challenged me to write the daily questions for each chapter. I accepted. Peace ensued. When reading, when researching and studying, I am at ‘home.’ When communicating revelations I have discovered, as well as striving to bring others to their own revelation of the beauty and wisdom in God’s word, I am at peace.

God called me to Preparation last year. I took this directive as the call to make things happen, and charted a course accordingly. I used the worldly pattern for achievement as my guide to successful preparation. This pattern, in and of itself, may not be evil or unspiritual. Yet for me, it was uninspired. That’s where the anxiety bred. That’s why the peace ceased. As I traveled my course, in my desire to be obedient to God’s directive, he mercifully helped me identify that which I am not called to do, and illumined that which I am. Through the divine creation of Bible Reading Fellowship, God brought me to that which comes as naturally as breathing; that which challenges and fulfills. Now it is peace that hovers. Anxiety has abated.

I still do not know what the end result will look like. All I can say right now is that I am prepared to experience the joy and peace in being all, and only, that which God created and called me to be. However worldly insignificant and unwise that may be.

The fullness of the lesson is yet to be revealed. Nevertheless, this I know: Today I am doing what he has called me to do. I am a teacher. A teacher teaches.